Let’s be honest—no one loves telling someone they didn’t get the job. If anything, it’s like being the bearer of bad news in a game of emotional dodgeball. You’ve got to do it, but it’s never fun. As an engineering leader, you’re often the one to make tough calls, and rejecting a candidate is one of the most challenging tasks. But here’s the kicker: rejection doesn’t have to be a “bad” thing.
What if I told you that delivering rejection with empathy and constructive feedback can actually strengthen your team, improve your hiring process, and even foster future relationships with candidates? It’s true! Over the years, I’ve learned that the way you reject someone speaks volumes—not just about the candidate’s future with the company, but also about your leadership style and the culture you’re building.
So, in this article, let’s break it down into a simple, actionable framework that’ll help you handle rejection like a pro. Ready? Here’s what I’ll cover:
- Starting with Appreciation – Why recognizing a candidate’s effort is crucial.
- Recognising Strengths – How highlighting what went well can help candidates stay motivated.
- Addressing Gaps Constructively – The importance of being specific about what’s missing, and why.
- Offering Actionable Advice – Giving candidates a clear path for improvement.
- Leaving the Door Open – Why rejection isn’t permanent, and how to keep future opportunities alive.
- Seeking Feedback – How asking for input on the process can help us improve.
- Handling Follow-Up Questions – Navigating post-rejection discussions with patience and transparency.
By the end of this article, you’ll have a clear framework for rejecting candidates that fosters growth, enhances your team’s reputation, and ensures a positive experience—even when things don’t work out.
1. Start with Appreciation: Acknowledge Their Effort
The first step sets the tone. A simple thank you shows the candidate you respect their time and effort. Acknowledging the energy they invested in the process—preparing, interviewing, and potentially traveling—is crucial for a respectful interaction.
“Alex, thank you so much for taking the time to interview with our team for the Senior Software Engineer role. We genuinely appreciate the effort you put into the process and the valuable insights you shared during our conversations.”
2. Recognize Strengths: Highlight What Went Well
While you are delivering bad news, it is essential to balance the feedback by highlighting the candidate’s positive attributes. Focusing on what went well provides a morale boost and confirms the candidate’s value, even if they weren’t the right fit for this specific role.
“We were very impressed with your overall approach and professionalism during the process. Your technical communication was excellent, and the insights you shared during the behavioral interviews demonstrated a strong cultural fit. We also noted your solid foundational knowledge in data structures and algorithms.”
3. Address Gaps Constructively: The Real Talk
Delivering this feedback is akin to delivering difficult news in life; it requires a structured approach. We must transition clearly from strengths to the rejection, then provide the constructive feedback while prioritizing psychological safety, separating the person from the issue, and focusing on growth.
The Real Talk Sequence
Deliver the Rejection and Transition: A clear statement indicating the outcome, bridging the conversation from strengths to feedback.
“While we were impressed with your strengths, we’ve decided to move forward with other candidates at this time.”
Soften the Approach (Empathy): Acknowledge the emotional impact and show understanding before detailing the specific feedback.
“We understand this feedback is tough to hear.”
Identify the Gap (Observation-based): Clearly communicate the area where performance didn’t meet requirements, focusing on objective observation.
“During the system design assessment, the performance observed did not align with the competencies required for this role.”
Explain the Impact: Explain the business necessity of the required skills.
“This senior position requires extensive expertise in building scalable and resilient distributed systems. Without a deeper understanding of fault tolerance, the reliability of our systems under high load would be at risk.”
Separate the Person from the Issue and that Day’s Conversation: Explicitly state that the evaluation is based on objective requirements and does not define their overall capabilities.
“We want to emphasize that this evaluation is based purely on the requirements for this specific role, and it’s important to remember that one assessment does not define your overall capabilities.”
Validate, Reassure, and Empathy: Reiterate confidence in their potential and frame the feedback as a tool for future growth.
“We truly believe in your potential, and we are confident this feedback will support your future growth.”
4. Offer Actionable Advice: Provide a Path Forward
Rejecting a candidate without offering a solution can be disheartening. By providing specific, actionable advice or resources, you turn the rejection into a valuable learning opportunity. This demonstrates your investment in their growth beyond the interview process.
“To help with future growth, we recommend focusing on scalable architecture principles. Books like Designing Data-Intensive Applications or online resources covering distributed databases and microservices architecture could be very helpful. We also suggest working on system design practice problems focusing on high availability.”
5. Leave the Door Open: Future Opportunities
Just because a candidate isn’t right for the current role doesn’t mean they won’t be a perfect fit later. Expressing openness to future opportunities keeps the relationship positive and preserves the candidate in your talent pipeline.
“We were impressed with your technical background and would be happy to consider a reapplication for future roles. If you have the opportunity to build on your experience with distributed systems over the next few months, please feel free to reconnect with us.”
6. Seek Feedback: Continuous Improvement
Asking for feedback on the interview process is a game-changer. It shows humility and a commitment to refining your hiring practices. This step fosters a culture of continuous improvement, benefiting both the company and future candidates.
“Before we wrap up, I’d love to hear your thoughts on our interview process. Was there anything we could have done differently to improve your experience? Your feedback is valuable to us.”
7. Handle Follow-Up Questions Gracefully: Maintain Open Dialogue
Candidates may have follow-up questions after the rejection, seeking further clarity. Approach these conversations with patience and transparency. This is an opportunity to provide additional insights and act as a mentor, guiding them in a way that makes them feel heard and supported.
(If Alex asks for more details on the system design feedback)
“I understand you’re looking for more depth here, Alex, and I appreciate you asking. This feedback is truly meant to help you improve and grow. When we discussed your approach to data partitioning, for instance, we were looking for a deeper consideration of eventual consistency trade-offs, which wasn’t fully articulated. I’m happy to elaborate further on specific aspects of your design.”
Conclusion
Over the years, I’ve realized that rejection doesn’t have to be a negative experience. It is a chance for us as leaders to show empathy, create a positive experience, and help candidates grow, whether they’re the right fit this time or not.
By focusing on appreciation, specific feedback, and constructive advice, rejection can become a stepping stone to greater things—not just for the candidate, but for your team and the company as well.